Fear

Happiness is a complicated thing and my greatest fear of all is not having any. Since I was a little girl, I loved the ocean and I wanted to be a marine biologist. Now I am closer to that goal than I ever have been before. I'm applying to Ph. D programs around the country with the chance to actually study whales. I'm terrified, though, that I will be accepted and after a few months at that program I will realize I am unhappy, I will realize that the dream I always thought I wanted isn't actually so great. What will I do then? If I get everything I ever hoped for and am still unhappy? That'd be a real tragedy.

In the coming week, I challenge myself to read research articles published by the scientists I hope to work for at the programs I am applying to. I will get to see what that future might hold for me. Maybe I'll figure out if that life will make me happy. At least, I'll probably be reassured that this is really is the path for me.

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