Meditate

Suspending my inner speech is an incredible difficult task for me. I am constantly thinking or worrying about something--it's a part of who I am. I feel like my mind is always active because at any given time there are 20 different things I could and should be doing. The only time I have ever been able to successfully stop my stream of consciousness was on dives. I spent some time, of course, thinking about how amazing the fish and seaweeds and such are and some time thinking about how much air I had left and if my buoyancy was appropriate for the situation, but there were also many times where I was thinking of nothing--I was simply floating, weightless, in a beautiful and salty paradise with nothing on my mind. In an attempt to capture that feeling again, I went to one of the few places on campus that has water--the ponds by the chapel.

When I sat down here, I reached the tips of my fingers into the water. I love the sensory input of feeling water on my skin and it always helps to my relax no matter the situation. I also put my headphones on and I listened to whale songs. This is probably one of the weirdest things about me, but I love listening to recordings of whale sounds. It's a little like ambient noise but the sounds are very deep and often very long. It's a soothing combination. I began to gaze at the water and the tips of my fingers. This was a bit of a challenge, though, because every time a leaf floated by my attention was drawn to its movement. I did feel very relaxed.

During the visualization segment, I pictured myself floating in the ocean. I could hear the running of the miniature waterfall and the sounds of whales in my ears helped me to visualize this, but the things around me continually caused me to snap out of it. For example, while I was sitting by the pond, I started to get warm and so my visualization became more difficult as I realized how hot the sun felt on my skin. By the time I moved onto witnessing, I realized that I had already been doing it. When I heard something new, felt something like a bug crawling on my finger, or had a trespassing thought, I acknowledged it and went back to where I was. I think this part was my favorite because I had never realized I was doing it so unintentionally. Whenever I am trying to focus on something, whether in class or during meditation, I face intrusive thoughts so learning to acknowledge them and put them to rest is a very useful skill to have, rather than letting these pervasive thoughts ruin whatever task is at hand. When it came to focusing my thoughts, I focused on my love of water. It was an easy thing to focus on given my surroundings and so many things (my graduate applications, my undergraduate research) are related to water. Like I mentioned previously, being near or in water is the most calming thing I have available to me. It's always a good focal point for me because of these reasons. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to suspend my thinking completely. I think that is something that requires practice and/or very special circumstances. I came close though.

Sometimes I feel like a dog, easily distracted and overly attentive to everything around me. What was said in class today about letting your sensory input pass over you instead of trying to outright ignore it was very helpful to me in this process. Because I am so easily distracted, trying to ignore the things around me is almost impossible, so naturally, when I fail at that task I get frustrated and that throws my entire meditation practice off. Learning this technique of allowing sensory input to be acknowledged and then to move on from it was very helpful to me. Also, water is a very integral part of my meditative process and the most successful meditative sessions I have always involve water in one way or another. In the future, when I decide to meditate, this will always be a component I include in my practice.