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To Charlie

Dear Charlie, As my final month at DU begins, I have been thinking about my past and my future a great deal. Throughout this class, I have been exploring these things during our reflections. There is a lot for me to work through from my time in college and even more to figure out as I move forward. My reflection in this class has almost entirely centered on the things I am dealing with in my final quarter at DU. For example, when we we did the activity that involved talking to ourselves outside, I was feeling a lot of anxiety about graduate school and I was doubting if that's really what I want to do, but that time helped me to work through those feelings and return to the determined and optimistic person I usually am. I tend to get pretty anxious over the unknown but this process has really helped me to take a step back when those feelings set in and I think I am better able to handle them now. I have always considered myself to be an introspective person--even in high school ...
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Doodle

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When this course began, my idea of reflection was introspection and analyzing oneself. My goal was to learn how to do this more productively so I could avoid slipping into the anxiety laden part of myself. I believe I have made a significant amount of progress in the last 5 weeks. My previous method of reflection was basically just continually asking myself "what are you doing? why are you like this?", which was, obviously, unproductive. The purpose of my reflection was and is to make myself the best version of me by learning and growing. Now, I feel as if I am much better at this task. Rather than getting anxious and upset with myself, I am able to stay calm and almost indifferent, like a separate person looking in on my life and thoughts. My anxiety stays out of my reflection much more often now than it did before. The outside activity where we had conversations really helped me because I was able to act like the unbiased person on the outside looking in, which really worke...
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4'33"

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The interesting thing about this composition is that it is often perceived as silence, when in fact the composer meant to draw attention to the impossibility of absolute silence. In the absence of outside sounds, there is always something we can perceive (such as our nervous system, or circulation, in a perfectly sound proof chamber). Silence allows us to listen to sounds we otherwise ignore--and the thoughts that would otherwise elude us. 
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